i want to have something that is new

it seems that im being haunted by the past. i mean, why cant i have something that is new?

does this mean that my destiny will always be reflected by the past? kung baga, nadaanan ko lang ba sila? hay nako naman..ganun ba yun??

so anu nga bang positive dito? hmmmm.. well ..lets just say that things are better. kung baga, natuto na sa nakaraang kabulukan. so logically speaking,may improvement.

galing ako sa sanctuarium kanina, to pay our last respects to NIki's beloved lolo. nakakalungkot talaga. ewan pero indi kasi ako sanay sa ganun eh. huling experience ko ng family death eh nung grade one pako. eh anung year ko na? 5th year in college? im basically an adult na. i dont remember much if death is the topic. its just that, things are always sad.

ni hindi ko nga maisep kung anu yung scenario pag may mga masayang tao pag namamatay eh. kanina hindi naman talaga malungkot ang mood. cheerful nga eh. kung baga, ok ang mga tao. what i mean to say is, yung scenario na kung saan may mga taong nagsasabeng, "buti nga sayo..patay ka na, shet ka."

ayos no? wala lang. just thinking..

rainy day rem

its raining and im kind of reminiscing about what took place one year ago. 

imagine me being so hap py. just that. so happy. imagine that.

i just dont know why im trying so hard to remember the memories. all of them are blurry. i cant remember exact things that happened. exact words that were said. anything that is crystal clear. anyway, im just dead lonely.

now why am i blogging? damn. have to get back to werk.
 

so you see? you can be headless without being dead.

your face can be contorted without actually being punched.

point is, sometimes , things arent what they seem to be. like me.

a phone convo made me realize who i am to my friends. that fact that they look at me as a strong individual. but he knows me more. he knows that my heart is defenseless.

which makes me think. who am i to other people? do i project a different personality depending on the situation or do i still act the same. im confused. 

latest addiction and life changing decisions

he's my latest addiction. thanks to this site, i have lots of pics of him. 

about life changing decisions, when i say its over, its over. two words that requires patience, time and a lot of thinking to make.

when its over, its so hard to go back. or to take your words back, or simply come back. anyway i have no plans. reconciliation is a lot of bull for me… i dont believe in that. im not saying that someone tris to reach out to me. 

since women can concentrate on multiple things, the past kept on going back to me as a blurry image. thats what makes me sad. the fact that im lonely….im not yearning for a particular person's affections but imi just dying to have one by my side. ngew.. im just damn lonely.

i love the fact that jun is here. he keeps me company. 

as for me, chill…